Friday, July 4, 2008

Extra, Extra, Read All About It!

My new boy is organizing a surprise for me for my birthday. I'm so excited and so stoked coz all I ever wanted was for my ex to take the initiative and do something like that - just once. Even if he just phoned and made a reservation for us or something. I would hint for it or leave it open, I even threw him a couple of surprise parties so he could see how much fun they are but he never did in all our years together and here this boy is - who hasn't even been with me for a month - and he wants to do this for me. I'm blown away. In fact, very weird this, but I'd be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with the situation. The truth is that I really am not used to being treated the way he treats me. All I wanted from my ex was just a little bit of what I'm getting now and I think its because the only proper relationship I've ever known is that one with my ex and how he treated me and if I ever asked for anything he'd say my standards were too high and he was a shit boyfriend bla bla bla. So I stopped asking for change and decided to lower my standards and just be happy. Something a friend said to me (from her mum) which is something I'm trying to convey to all my friends because it's such a valuable lesson was, "Don't let anyone EVER tell you that your standards are too high. They are your standards and they are what will make you happy. Do not compromise on that."

People that aren't very close to me are starting to hear about my new boyfriend and I'm hearing things that I'm expecting everyone to say, "Sho! That was quick!" Anyways, I've decided that people have already made up their minds of what they think about me and I'm sick of bending around everyone else's standards and lives so they don't have anything to talk about. It's my life and I'm an adult and I know what I'm doing so.... a little scary but like I said: my focus now is happiness and me.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Little Lost Love

Today finds me in a very strange place, I have said the last of my goodbyes with regards to the X factor but my thinking today hovers over this whole Love thing. It is a complex matter and I face my difficulty where I know that my ex and I had it – we had something that was real and apart from the emotional abuse, could have worked really well. So my choice in the matter was essentially to choose love and sacrifice my happiness or to choose happiness and sacrifice Love, knowing full well that I may never have this again. I think that is what made my decision so hard. I am beginning to miss the ex as I expected to do ages ago but I am also very happy with my new partner. The two appear to be like chalk and cheese but at the same time do have similarities. I think I may even be falling in love which has happened a lot sooner than I ever expected. I feel like a teenager all over again. Very very weird but I’m enjoying it, just feeling a little lost right now…