Monday, October 6, 2008
Why do fools fall in love...?
I'm leaving really soon so thought I'd finally have this cup of coffee with Tristan, my serious relationship ex...We landed up having coffee for 5 hours...it was really good. We've only seen each other once briefly since the breakup and the coffee went smoother than I could have imagined. We chatted through things and it was really hard to hear a lot of it but things needed to be said. I think the hardest thing is hearing him talk about other girls. He's hardly been with anyone and was horrified when he heard the odd person I'd been with, he said, "how many guys have you been with?" Shame, I think it's normally the guy who goes wild after a breakup and he thinks its the other way around. He also said, "I hope you aren't going home with all these guys" and I felt like telling him that he was actually insulting me, it's like he doesn't know me at all. Anyway, the rest of the coffee went well, occasionally we subtly tuned each other. He asked if I'd cheated on Dave and I said no, so he said, "Wow, he got off lucky hey". 'Cause I cheated on Tristan which is something I've always said I'd never ever do - but that's another whole long story. Things are still hurting but we left on a really good note... actually too good. We landed up having a good night kiss and it's amazing how good it feels when you've wanted it for so long...how right it feels, Its a bit of a mindf*%k.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Major changes
I am so ashamed at having not written in so long. My apologies, however, I think you should know there have been some MAJOR changes in my life. Uh, OK - since I last wrote, I've been retrenched - which is good - I was planning on travelling to the States but my visa was denied. I was so traumatised by this but its since then that I've realised it obviously wasn't the plan for me. I've broken up with the divine, perfect guy I was going out with - Dave because I've decided I'm actually not in a place where I can be in another relationship right now and I'm desperate to travel and I really don't think that after being together for a month or two we can now launch into a long-distance relationship for a year. He's really hurting. He didn't want it at all but he was amazing about it. He was far more understanding about my decision than my ex. He didn't fight me at all on it, which was weird.
Anyway - I've got a job in Thailand and I've got a visa (at last) I leave very soon and am so excited for this new adventure in my life. Anyways, I thought I would have a farewell get-together for all my friends, family etc to say cheers and I now invited both my exes. Now before you shoot me down for doing something that is simply 'not done ever', give me a little credit...I know these guys really well. I was sure neither of them would come... I had to invite them cause I really wanted to say good bye so I couldn't not invite them and I couldn't choose one...Their reasons for not coming were: (Dave) "It would be awkward" and (ex) "It would be wrong". Please. Get a backbone! So, I had a lovely get-together with family, friends and a few randoms that just rocked up and really enjoyed my night.
So that's a quick catchup from me and in hopefully my next post will be from Thailand... mmm. In closing, I'll leave you with a question...I have a crush - it's a guy I am sure hasn't noticed me in that way as yet and we're related by marriage (sounds dodgy, I know but if you saw this guy - you'd understand). He is so different from any guy I've ever been with. He's outgoing, confident, fun, adventurous and like I said, so different. He also has a girlfriend - the first girl since I've known him (about four years) that he's fallen in love with. Obviously, I haven't done anything as I'm very opposed to cheating etc. But what do you do in this situation when ignoring it just makes it nag some more....? I'd love to hear your takes on it... Until next time, have an awesome day x
Anyway - I've got a job in Thailand and I've got a visa (at last) I leave very soon and am so excited for this new adventure in my life. Anyways, I thought I would have a farewell get-together for all my friends, family etc to say cheers and I now invited both my exes. Now before you shoot me down for doing something that is simply 'not done ever', give me a little credit...I know these guys really well. I was sure neither of them would come... I had to invite them cause I really wanted to say good bye so I couldn't not invite them and I couldn't choose one...Their reasons for not coming were: (Dave) "It would be awkward" and (ex) "It would be wrong". Please. Get a backbone! So, I had a lovely get-together with family, friends and a few randoms that just rocked up and really enjoyed my night.
So that's a quick catchup from me and in hopefully my next post will be from Thailand... mmm. In closing, I'll leave you with a question...I have a crush - it's a guy I am sure hasn't noticed me in that way as yet and we're related by marriage (sounds dodgy, I know but if you saw this guy - you'd understand). He is so different from any guy I've ever been with. He's outgoing, confident, fun, adventurous and like I said, so different. He also has a girlfriend - the first girl since I've known him (about four years) that he's fallen in love with. Obviously, I haven't done anything as I'm very opposed to cheating etc. But what do you do in this situation when ignoring it just makes it nag some more....? I'd love to hear your takes on it... Until next time, have an awesome day x
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Since I've been Gone....
Right, so I promised myself the other day that I had to write another post before a month since my last one (shocking! I know) so here we are. Right, since the last post, if I thought I was in love, I know I am now, but I often feel like there's something missing – I cant’ put my finger on it. In the meantime let me explain what I’ve been up to….
I suddenly realized about three weeks ago how important Dave has become in my life. I had a bad day at work and wanted to get Dave’s opinion on something (and just wanted to talk to him) and a friend of his answered – I laughed and said, “oh dear, did u guys have a fine’s evening after the game tonight?” thinking he was a bit drunk as he’d just played his last game and she said, “No, I’m in the Ambulance with him.” I thought she was joking. She explained that he’d taken a bad knock during the game and had been concussed for 5 minutes and convulsed. They were in the ambulance taking his blood pressure etc and on the way to the Hospital. I broke down, I cried and cried and cried and joltingly realized how much he’d come to mean to me in this short space of time. I couldn’t do anything for the rest of the night. I was restless and considering driving down to see him but I held out. I eventually decided to go down at about 11pm. Some other people were there too but Dave was strapped in a neck brace still in casualty, he was quiet pale and still dirty with grazes and grass everywhere, looking so uncomfortable. Because there wasn’t a bed available in that city, he then had to be transferred by ambulance to another Hospital into high care. We eventually left him quiet settled when we were kicked out at about 2:30am. I was back at the hospital at 7am to see what the neurosurgeon had to say when he’d seen him at 6/6:30 AM but the x-rays and reports had not been transferred when Dave had come across and so, he couldn’t make a call. I tried to follow this up but was a case of asking the nurse what she suggest I do to get these documents across here asap (bearing in mind it’s just an email that has to be sent) and she told me to speak to the ‘head’ nurse, who told me to go to reception. Reception told me to go to their x-ray department who explained that they were completely separate from the original hospital’s x-ray department – You get the picture…it’s a nightmare. I eventually went and fetched the hard copy myself (a 45min round trip drive is quicker than sending an email????!!!!) I arrived back at 9:30 with clean clothes for Dave and the hard copy of x-rays. Unfortunately, the reports on the x-rays weren’t ready and I was promised that those would be faxed through when they were. Dave seemed a little better at this stage and later went for a walk around. Visiting hours were from 11 – 11:30 because High Care is situated in ICU, so I hung around until then and visited him for that time, which was the first time I got to see him properly. When I came back at 11, he thanked me for all I’d done, driving down etc, said I shouldn’t have but I made his night. At this point he was looking like a puppy in a cage – he seemed 100% and dying to get out. I left around lunch time yesterday to come back to work thinking he’d be released that afternoon. He only saw the neurosurgeon at about 7:30pm on the second night and was fed up when he was told he had to stay the night again and possibly the next. Poor sausage was there for another 2 nights.
He’s doing well, which is the main thing. This is apparently standard for someone who has had convulsions after a concussion. He had his drip taken out on the second day and was moved to a general ward. He came out of hospital on his third morning and went back to work from midday to the afternoon.
Now, as you know, I had a surprise coming my way from Dave for my birthday, however I didn’t think it was going to happen because of what had happened to him that week but he insisted it was still on. I could not wait… I have never had a surprise birthday and Dave planned this for me about 3 weeks before my birthday (when we’d barely started going out!) So I have to share it with you…
On Friday afternoon I headed down to him and I was dying to see him after his incident earlier in the week and he was only discharged from hospital that morning. He was a little on edge but I think he’d just wanted things to be a little more organized than they were. He’d bought wine, snacks etc for beforehand and we caught up with each other’s weeks. He took me to an upmarket restaurant that I just love, we had a quaint table right near the feature of the restaurant and the Waiter who sat us down announced that once you’ve sat at this table as a couple, you’ll never be apart again…a little corny I know, but it was sweet. Once we’d settled, our conversation led us towards the past weeks events. I explained to him that I’d completely lost it after I’d heard he was in an ambulance. I fell apart and cried my eyes out. I could not believe that this guy who I’d known for such a short time could bear so much on me and my life and how much I’ve come to care for him. I realized all of this in the space of a few seconds, which is why I did the most irrational act of driving down at stupid-o’clock. It was at this point that I expected him to laugh and sit back with an expression of “where’s the nearest door? This chick is mad”. Instead that he told me that although he’d told his friend (whom I was in touch with on the night of the accident) that I must go home and not come down that evening, yet when I walked into the emergency room, he was immediately relieved. I was so flattered by this, as he had one of his closest friends, a colleague and his brother around the bed. He said he was so happy to see me the next morning (Wednesday) and twice more after he thought I’d left. It really meant a lot to him and his words meant so much to me. Darling Dave then impulsively lent across the table after I’d spilt my feelings and promptly knocked over his glass! This of course gave me the absolute giggles and transported the evening atmosphere from heavy to light once more.
On Saturday, Dave woke me up with coffee in bed (my favourite) and he sent me on a treasure hunt for my birthday present. Bearing in mind that he’s taken me out for supper the night before and only known me for a little over a month, he bought me speakers and a front-loader for my music-less car!!!!! He said I stared at it for about a minute before turning to look at him. I was gob smacked to say the least! I cannot believe the effort and energy and everything that he puts into me! As if this wasn’t enough, he made me flapjacks for breakfast! I felt so spoilt! After this, we headed for the Coast for a friend of mine’s birthday where we stayed at a backpackers. We had the most divine time chilling after a very stressful week and spent most of the time at the beach. It was the most wonderful birthday that I’ve had in quiet some time. I thanked him once more as I was leaving, for everything he’d done for me over the weekend and for spoiling me and his response was, “You deserve it.”
What I absolutely love about him is that he can be going through the busiest time at work (I’m talking working Sundays, evenings and early mornings) and he’ll drop me an email just to say “Before my day starts to spin and I get lost in it! I just want to say you’re on my mind and can’t wait to see you again.” My feelings for this soft little soul are growing daily and I just wanted to share that with you because you know where I’ve been and I wish I knew where I was going…!
I suddenly realized about three weeks ago how important Dave has become in my life. I had a bad day at work and wanted to get Dave’s opinion on something (and just wanted to talk to him) and a friend of his answered – I laughed and said, “oh dear, did u guys have a fine’s evening after the game tonight?” thinking he was a bit drunk as he’d just played his last game and she said, “No, I’m in the Ambulance with him.” I thought she was joking. She explained that he’d taken a bad knock during the game and had been concussed for 5 minutes and convulsed. They were in the ambulance taking his blood pressure etc and on the way to the Hospital. I broke down, I cried and cried and cried and joltingly realized how much he’d come to mean to me in this short space of time. I couldn’t do anything for the rest of the night. I was restless and considering driving down to see him but I held out. I eventually decided to go down at about 11pm. Some other people were there too but Dave was strapped in a neck brace still in casualty, he was quiet pale and still dirty with grazes and grass everywhere, looking so uncomfortable. Because there wasn’t a bed available in that city, he then had to be transferred by ambulance to another Hospital into high care. We eventually left him quiet settled when we were kicked out at about 2:30am. I was back at the hospital at 7am to see what the neurosurgeon had to say when he’d seen him at 6/6:30 AM but the x-rays and reports had not been transferred when Dave had come across and so, he couldn’t make a call. I tried to follow this up but was a case of asking the nurse what she suggest I do to get these documents across here asap (bearing in mind it’s just an email that has to be sent) and she told me to speak to the ‘head’ nurse, who told me to go to reception. Reception told me to go to their x-ray department who explained that they were completely separate from the original hospital’s x-ray department – You get the picture…it’s a nightmare. I eventually went and fetched the hard copy myself (a 45min round trip drive is quicker than sending an email????!!!!) I arrived back at 9:30 with clean clothes for Dave and the hard copy of x-rays. Unfortunately, the reports on the x-rays weren’t ready and I was promised that those would be faxed through when they were. Dave seemed a little better at this stage and later went for a walk around. Visiting hours were from 11 – 11:30 because High Care is situated in ICU, so I hung around until then and visited him for that time, which was the first time I got to see him properly. When I came back at 11, he thanked me for all I’d done, driving down etc, said I shouldn’t have but I made his night. At this point he was looking like a puppy in a cage – he seemed 100% and dying to get out. I left around lunch time yesterday to come back to work thinking he’d be released that afternoon. He only saw the neurosurgeon at about 7:30pm on the second night and was fed up when he was told he had to stay the night again and possibly the next. Poor sausage was there for another 2 nights.
He’s doing well, which is the main thing. This is apparently standard for someone who has had convulsions after a concussion. He had his drip taken out on the second day and was moved to a general ward. He came out of hospital on his third morning and went back to work from midday to the afternoon.
Now, as you know, I had a surprise coming my way from Dave for my birthday, however I didn’t think it was going to happen because of what had happened to him that week but he insisted it was still on. I could not wait… I have never had a surprise birthday and Dave planned this for me about 3 weeks before my birthday (when we’d barely started going out!) So I have to share it with you…
On Friday afternoon I headed down to him and I was dying to see him after his incident earlier in the week and he was only discharged from hospital that morning. He was a little on edge but I think he’d just wanted things to be a little more organized than they were. He’d bought wine, snacks etc for beforehand and we caught up with each other’s weeks. He took me to an upmarket restaurant that I just love, we had a quaint table right near the feature of the restaurant and the Waiter who sat us down announced that once you’ve sat at this table as a couple, you’ll never be apart again…a little corny I know, but it was sweet. Once we’d settled, our conversation led us towards the past weeks events. I explained to him that I’d completely lost it after I’d heard he was in an ambulance. I fell apart and cried my eyes out. I could not believe that this guy who I’d known for such a short time could bear so much on me and my life and how much I’ve come to care for him. I realized all of this in the space of a few seconds, which is why I did the most irrational act of driving down at stupid-o’clock. It was at this point that I expected him to laugh and sit back with an expression of “where’s the nearest door? This chick is mad”. Instead that he told me that although he’d told his friend (whom I was in touch with on the night of the accident) that I must go home and not come down that evening, yet when I walked into the emergency room, he was immediately relieved. I was so flattered by this, as he had one of his closest friends, a colleague and his brother around the bed. He said he was so happy to see me the next morning (Wednesday) and twice more after he thought I’d left. It really meant a lot to him and his words meant so much to me. Darling Dave then impulsively lent across the table after I’d spilt my feelings and promptly knocked over his glass! This of course gave me the absolute giggles and transported the evening atmosphere from heavy to light once more.
On Saturday, Dave woke me up with coffee in bed (my favourite) and he sent me on a treasure hunt for my birthday present. Bearing in mind that he’s taken me out for supper the night before and only known me for a little over a month, he bought me speakers and a front-loader for my music-less car!!!!! He said I stared at it for about a minute before turning to look at him. I was gob smacked to say the least! I cannot believe the effort and energy and everything that he puts into me! As if this wasn’t enough, he made me flapjacks for breakfast! I felt so spoilt! After this, we headed for the Coast for a friend of mine’s birthday where we stayed at a backpackers. We had the most divine time chilling after a very stressful week and spent most of the time at the beach. It was the most wonderful birthday that I’ve had in quiet some time. I thanked him once more as I was leaving, for everything he’d done for me over the weekend and for spoiling me and his response was, “You deserve it.”
What I absolutely love about him is that he can be going through the busiest time at work (I’m talking working Sundays, evenings and early mornings) and he’ll drop me an email just to say “Before my day starts to spin and I get lost in it! I just want to say you’re on my mind and can’t wait to see you again.” My feelings for this soft little soul are growing daily and I just wanted to share that with you because you know where I’ve been and I wish I knew where I was going…!
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Weekend
It was my ex's and my anniversary this weekend - that was a tough one. Apart from that on Thursday evening my family and friends went to dinner and a show at a Supper Theatre to celebrate my birthday. I had the most wonderful evening and killed myself laughing right the way through the show. Afterwards, the young 'uns went on the town but not much was open so we landed up going to the new boyfriend's place and chilled, should we give him a name...? I think yes, lets call him David. Friday evening Dave came to my house, some 100 km from his place to house sit with me. Saturday he had a rugby game which I watched and really enjoyed and yesterday we went to the beach in the morning and back up to my place in the afternoon and chilled with my parents, brother and his girlfriend. I decided to have this celebration early because the show finished yesterday and Dave asked if he could take me out for my birthday. I cannot believe it. For so long I hinted to my ex for some kind of a surprise, I even threw him a couple of surprise parties to show him how much fun they were. Even if he'd just made a reservation for us for a celebration would have been enough but a few years ago I gave up. Here is this boy who I have known for probably two months and he is so excited to give me this 'surprise' on Friday night. So I'm so amped and dying to know where we're going.
I'll try and describe him as best I can. I wouldn't say he's amazingly good looking but he has quirks that I'm starting to love about him and that I find incredibly endearing. He plays rugby socially, is very musical and I think he's a romantic at heart. He's an absolute Gentleman. Holds doors open, pours drinks, keeps them topped up etc etc. At the end of last week, I was beginning to worry that I was indulging too much, I felt like he was giving and giving and giving and I was only taking. I chatted to him about this and explained that I felt like I was indulging in his attention and affections etc. He said he hadn't' seen that at all, he said he hadn't given it a second thought and then pointed out that I've been driving up and down to his place nearly every weekend and driving up early on Monday mornings for work and he felt that my commitment was more that there, so that made me feel a whole lot better.
He's a good guy and I think he really likes me. I'm falling for him so hard and fast, its actually ridiculous. The funniest part of all of this is that my parents are crazy about him too! My Step dad says Dave adores me in the way that he always said my ex should have. My mum says she hasn't really seen it yet but she's blown away by his behavior in the stories I tell her. Like when Dave brought me home last night, his second trip to my house that weekend, my mum chuckled and said, "Wow, when I think of how we had to fetch and carry you from your ex's..." so I've got the thumbs up from both of them, which is awesome.
Another slightly amusing thing is, we went for an ice cream yesterday and when we found a table, Dave pulled a chair out and I started sitting down on another chair and he gestured to the chair he'd pulled out for me to sit at and I suddenly realized it was for me and apologized for sitting somewhere else - it must have looked so rude and when I apologized and said I hadn't realized it was for me, he said, "You're also not used to that being done for you." That's truer than he knows! But I also think a couple of things have happened like that that I haven't even realized simply because, I'm not used to it and I think he's realizing more and more about my past relationship as time goes on.
When we started getting semi-serious but not going out yet, I asked him what he liked about me and he said he thought I had the most awesome sense of humour, I was witty, quick, gentle, compassionate blah blah blah. And I remember thinking, some people have told me I'm pretty...I don't know if you've noticed anything... But you know what I've realized? I've always placed SO much importance on it because of the emphasis my dad and my ex have always placed on that. I have ALWAYS wanted to be with someone that loves me for me. My personality needs to be what they love about me because my looks will go - and that is something that always worried me about being with my ex, would he still love me after my youth? Very deep, I know, but I really am feeling good about the situation. Dave has since told me that I'm beautiful and I'm really glad that things have happened in that order. Ah, I cannot tell you how good he is to me. I went to his house this weekend and didn't lift a finger. He cooks, washes, helps out when I do anything. If I try and help him cook, he sits me down and pours me a glass of wine. VERY hard to get used to but can you believe it, I think I'm falling in love with him.... I cannot wait for Friday night...
I'll try and describe him as best I can. I wouldn't say he's amazingly good looking but he has quirks that I'm starting to love about him and that I find incredibly endearing. He plays rugby socially, is very musical and I think he's a romantic at heart. He's an absolute Gentleman. Holds doors open, pours drinks, keeps them topped up etc etc. At the end of last week, I was beginning to worry that I was indulging too much, I felt like he was giving and giving and giving and I was only taking. I chatted to him about this and explained that I felt like I was indulging in his attention and affections etc. He said he hadn't' seen that at all, he said he hadn't given it a second thought and then pointed out that I've been driving up and down to his place nearly every weekend and driving up early on Monday mornings for work and he felt that my commitment was more that there, so that made me feel a whole lot better.
He's a good guy and I think he really likes me. I'm falling for him so hard and fast, its actually ridiculous. The funniest part of all of this is that my parents are crazy about him too! My Step dad says Dave adores me in the way that he always said my ex should have. My mum says she hasn't really seen it yet but she's blown away by his behavior in the stories I tell her. Like when Dave brought me home last night, his second trip to my house that weekend, my mum chuckled and said, "Wow, when I think of how we had to fetch and carry you from your ex's..." so I've got the thumbs up from both of them, which is awesome.
Another slightly amusing thing is, we went for an ice cream yesterday and when we found a table, Dave pulled a chair out and I started sitting down on another chair and he gestured to the chair he'd pulled out for me to sit at and I suddenly realized it was for me and apologized for sitting somewhere else - it must have looked so rude and when I apologized and said I hadn't realized it was for me, he said, "You're also not used to that being done for you." That's truer than he knows! But I also think a couple of things have happened like that that I haven't even realized simply because, I'm not used to it and I think he's realizing more and more about my past relationship as time goes on.
When we started getting semi-serious but not going out yet, I asked him what he liked about me and he said he thought I had the most awesome sense of humour, I was witty, quick, gentle, compassionate blah blah blah. And I remember thinking, some people have told me I'm pretty...I don't know if you've noticed anything... But you know what I've realized? I've always placed SO much importance on it because of the emphasis my dad and my ex have always placed on that. I have ALWAYS wanted to be with someone that loves me for me. My personality needs to be what they love about me because my looks will go - and that is something that always worried me about being with my ex, would he still love me after my youth? Very deep, I know, but I really am feeling good about the situation. Dave has since told me that I'm beautiful and I'm really glad that things have happened in that order. Ah, I cannot tell you how good he is to me. I went to his house this weekend and didn't lift a finger. He cooks, washes, helps out when I do anything. If I try and help him cook, he sits me down and pours me a glass of wine. VERY hard to get used to but can you believe it, I think I'm falling in love with him.... I cannot wait for Friday night...
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Happiness...through a mask
From my previous post, “Things start taking a dive” there is a big gap in my memory of this affair, however that’s not to say that nothing was going on. In this time, many people in the community found out about the affair just because Dad and Sam became so brash about meeting in public or ‘bumping in to one another’ at functions and always fell back onto their excuse of, “…but we’re just friends…”. How original…. Over this time my mum explains this bazaar routine as something along these lines: “I would notice things were changing, clothes, hair or just his behavior and I’d say to my friends, he’s seeing her again. My friends responded that I had now become completely paranoid and I needed to get a grip – it’s all over now. I’d ask my husband…are you seeing Sam again? He would flip, saying I had a psychological problem, I was sick in the head. What was wrong with me? I would settle down, knowing I have to deal with a psychological illness of dreaming up affairs between my husband and another woman and a few months down the line, he’d come to me, apologising profusely, saying that he and Sam had been seeing each other, he was so sorry but it was all over now – forever. Then everything would be dandy for a year or two then Sam would get bored in her marriage, I’d notice a change in my husband and the cycle would start all over again.”
You’re probably cursing my mum right now, thinking what a stupid person she must be, however that is not the case at all. My mother is one of those remarkable people that has the ability to see the best of every situation. She trusts and loves people and believes that everyone puts in their best efforts, speaks the truth and lives honestly; you can’t blame someone for thinking like that when they’ve lived their whole life like that. So pretty much anyone would be able to pull the wool over my mother’s eyes with this kind of attitude, however, she’s also very intelligent so she didn’t just aimlessly believe my dad over and over without thinking it through. You see, Dad and Sam are also incredibly good liars and manipulators; in fact they’re phenomenally good at it. I believe they lie to the point where they believe the point where they completely believe the stories themselves. One of my favorite examples of the manipulation and crap that Sam gave to my mum was one day (one of the many) that the most recent affair had just come out and she rushed over to our home, a common occurrence because my mum was such a good friend of hers (….?????????!!!!!!!!!) and over tea, calmly explained to my mum that she had to realize that the affair was a lot harder for her to deal with than for my mum to deal with. My mum was blown away by this and asked, “Really? Why is that?” To which Sam replied,
“Because I’m a much stronger Christian than you are.” I love it! It’s an absolutely classic example of how she operates. Self-centered and selfish down to the core. She never ceased to amaze any of us with her comments and her actions…
You’re probably cursing my mum right now, thinking what a stupid person she must be, however that is not the case at all. My mother is one of those remarkable people that has the ability to see the best of every situation. She trusts and loves people and believes that everyone puts in their best efforts, speaks the truth and lives honestly; you can’t blame someone for thinking like that when they’ve lived their whole life like that. So pretty much anyone would be able to pull the wool over my mother’s eyes with this kind of attitude, however, she’s also very intelligent so she didn’t just aimlessly believe my dad over and over without thinking it through. You see, Dad and Sam are also incredibly good liars and manipulators; in fact they’re phenomenally good at it. I believe they lie to the point where they believe the point where they completely believe the stories themselves. One of my favorite examples of the manipulation and crap that Sam gave to my mum was one day (one of the many) that the most recent affair had just come out and she rushed over to our home, a common occurrence because my mum was such a good friend of hers (….?????????!!!!!!!!!) and over tea, calmly explained to my mum that she had to realize that the affair was a lot harder for her to deal with than for my mum to deal with. My mum was blown away by this and asked, “Really? Why is that?” To which Sam replied,
“Because I’m a much stronger Christian than you are.” I love it! It’s an absolutely classic example of how she operates. Self-centered and selfish down to the core. She never ceased to amaze any of us with her comments and her actions…
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Things start taking a Dive...
Now, because I am not sure what point the incident happened with my father, I cannot tell you when the next installment was only that I still had not yet started school. My parents started a diving course. This caused great excitement for my brother and me as we were introduced to the world of wetsuits, goggles, snorkels and air tanks. There was always a very social atmosphere afterwards where we’d all go to a nearby pub for a beer and the kids could play catchers or hide and seek outside. I was very excited but also cautious about the fact that Sam was doing this course as well. In diving, one has a ‘buddy system’ where you pair up with someone and you have to make sure that they are alright at all times thereby no one can get left behind or get into trouble without being noticed. I was very disturbed to learn that Dad and Sam were ‘buddies’ and I had visions of them making out underwater (5 year old logic here ;-)) – Ah, hated it – it haunted me.
Quiet some time later, once the relevant training had been done, all the divers and their families went up the coast to a resort where the diving is very good, to have a diving holiday. The beach was great, the kids were great, but I could not relax because I knew the two of them were going off on frequent occasions to “dive”. It was on this holiday that my Dad announced to my Mum that he was leaving her for Sam and that she and the children were going to move to the city. My mum has always said that it is so strange what one worries about in situations like this. She said this holiday was in the December before I started “big” school. That was her only focus, she said to my dad, “How could you do this? How could you do this now, to your daughter? She is so excited about starting ‘big school’, going into Grade one and having the same teacher that you had in Grade one at the same school that you went to? How could you possibly tell her she’s going to change schools a month before she is due to go?” She always says now what a huge thing this was for her, it was her first child going to school and she placed a lot of importance on it.
My brother and I knew none of this was going on, until we were told that the whole family was having an afternoon sleep – weird. Alarm bells were going off for me because this was very unusual. I could not sleep so I pretended to and listened to my parents whispering, obviously trying to sort things out but I could not make out what they were saying. When they thought we were both asleep they left to go and discuss probably what I’ve just mentioned in the above paragraph.
That evening we were lucky enough to go on a night drive on the beach to watch Leather-back turtles lay eggs. However my mum was crying quietly during the trip. This was the first times and one of the few times I would see her unhappiness as a result of my father. She did not let on what was going on but I knew it was connected with Dad and Sam.
After all of this Dad and Sam ‘nobly’ went to talk things through on the beach and came back to tell their relevant spouses that they were not going to leave them but they had some ‘rules’ about coming back into the marriages. I obviously don’t know what they are but I think they went something along the lines that they could give each other birthday and Christmas presents, they could call and visit each other etc. So that was how things continued between the four adults for quiet some time. Dad and Sam had their spouses and each other, pretty much, whenever they wanted. This, however, was not enough for them…
Quiet some time later, once the relevant training had been done, all the divers and their families went up the coast to a resort where the diving is very good, to have a diving holiday. The beach was great, the kids were great, but I could not relax because I knew the two of them were going off on frequent occasions to “dive”. It was on this holiday that my Dad announced to my Mum that he was leaving her for Sam and that she and the children were going to move to the city. My mum has always said that it is so strange what one worries about in situations like this. She said this holiday was in the December before I started “big” school. That was her only focus, she said to my dad, “How could you do this? How could you do this now, to your daughter? She is so excited about starting ‘big school’, going into Grade one and having the same teacher that you had in Grade one at the same school that you went to? How could you possibly tell her she’s going to change schools a month before she is due to go?” She always says now what a huge thing this was for her, it was her first child going to school and she placed a lot of importance on it.
My brother and I knew none of this was going on, until we were told that the whole family was having an afternoon sleep – weird. Alarm bells were going off for me because this was very unusual. I could not sleep so I pretended to and listened to my parents whispering, obviously trying to sort things out but I could not make out what they were saying. When they thought we were both asleep they left to go and discuss probably what I’ve just mentioned in the above paragraph.
That evening we were lucky enough to go on a night drive on the beach to watch Leather-back turtles lay eggs. However my mum was crying quietly during the trip. This was the first times and one of the few times I would see her unhappiness as a result of my father. She did not let on what was going on but I knew it was connected with Dad and Sam.
After all of this Dad and Sam ‘nobly’ went to talk things through on the beach and came back to tell their relevant spouses that they were not going to leave them but they had some ‘rules’ about coming back into the marriages. I obviously don’t know what they are but I think they went something along the lines that they could give each other birthday and Christmas presents, they could call and visit each other etc. So that was how things continued between the four adults for quiet some time. Dad and Sam had their spouses and each other, pretty much, whenever they wanted. This, however, was not enough for them…
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
FRUSTRATED
Ah! I could kill myself sometimes, I’ve been going through a bit of a low patch with the Ex – Factor and missing him like hell. It’s driving me a little mad, to be honest. I know I was unhappy, I know I was controlled, I know I couldn’t be myself but at the same time, it was very real love and the connection we had was extremely close. He was my best friend. I am feeling very confused over this whole thing and because it was such a long relationship that I really don’t have that much experience in the whole break up thing. This is the guy I thought I was going to marry. All I want to do is call him and see how he’s doing and get that contact back. I miss what we had so much and it feels really weird because as soon as I got out that relationship, the feeling I had was one of overwhelming relief and freedom. I felt I had mourned the relationship in the last year (at least) that we were together. I knew I could expect sadness and to miss him and I was surprised when I didn’t. He took the whole thing really badly and has been struggling with it. At first he wouldn’t stop calling, emailing, visiting my mother etc and I put a stop to that because I didn’t feel it was helping either of us. Maybe it took a pace change, settling back into life etc for me to feel it. I don’t know. All I know is I want that friendship back. Mmmm what to do…. To call or not to call…? Help me out here please…
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